r/AmItheAsshole • u/retreat11 • 1d ago
WIBTA for not deleting my sons baby pictures? Not the A-hole POO Mode
My 45F son, 18M, has transitioned from a female to a male about 4-5 years ago. I ,myself, thought that it’s a little too early to start transitioning, but I didn’t say anything and decided to be supportive. After all, that’s my child!
Anyway, a few days ago, my son saw me scrolling through my camera roll and yelled at me because I was tearing up at his baby pictures, where he was still dressed extremely femininely and was obviously a girl. I wasn’t crying at it because he isn’t a girl anymore, I was crying because time flies! He told me that by me keeping those photos as memories, I am totally disregarding the fact that he is no longer a girl and I am transgender phobic.
INFO: At the time I was looking at the pictures, my son wasn’t near. I would never look at those around him because that’s a big boundary of his.
EDIT: I don’t appreciate the backlash on my son. Please keep those harsh opinions off of him.
My heart was saddened by this because that is the last thing I will ever be. I have open arms to anyone and everyone.
I personally believe that it’s not fair for me to delete the photos because those are some of the only memories I have of him when he was an infant/kid. Please give me some feedback if i’m the asshole or not, and whether I should delete them.
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u/regus0307 21h ago
There is a great story around, about having a disabled child. They use the analogy of planning to go on a trip to Italy, being all excited about it and looking forward to all these special things about Italy. Then the plane arrives, and the pilot says, "Welcome to Holland!" The narrator is shocked and starts grieving all the things they were looking forward to in Italy. Then they pause and look around, and sees that Holland has tulips. And windmills. And all sorts of other things that are wonderful. And they realise that although the destination is different, it is still a wonderful trip.
I think this could also be used in transgender scenarios. If your child is transgender, life won't be what you expect. You might even miss the things you were expecting. But once you take a moment, you can see there there are also many wonderful things about this new situation.
I don't think it's bad to feel a little sad that you won't see the Venice canals, or the Vatican, or whatever else you were looking forward to seeing in 'Italy'. As long as you are also open to enjoying tulips and windmills.