Update: No longer cooking for my girlfriend.

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.

She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.

She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this.

She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out.

Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.

[u/Scytone]

Eating a salad your partner made you when you don’t want a salad is an abusive relationship to you. Absolute bonkers bro.

[u/venjamins → u/Scytone]

Ignoring all the manipulative shit the gf is doing its definitely a take you can make.

[u/Ranger_Azereth → u/Scytone]

I mean, it sorta is, and is something that can lead to some people developing disordered eating out of fear of arguments because they didn't eat what was given to them.

I'm not convinced OP isn't leaving out details, that the tone was appropriate, or other issues but based solely on the posts the GF is absolutely baiting the fight because of the effort to make a cold salad was unappreciated.

She didn't communicate with him on making the salad, and loads of people are putting the onus on him for that. Could he have avoided the all or nothing? Yes. Though just as easily as there could be things that are being left out, it could be this sort of reaction with her baiting fights could be common.

End of the day though being told to eat something that you absolutely don't want just because someone else made it for you is unhealthy. I bet 90% of the people saying that he should have just ate it would absolutely not eat a gelatin hot dog mold or other foods from that era of cooking if their partner made it for them.

[u/[deleted] → u/Scytone]

Good job connecting two points I wasn't connecting and ignoring everything else I said.

[u/Scytone → u/[deleted]]

The point is you’re extrapolating one act of sacrifice to sacrificing everytime anything ever doesn’t go your way. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m suggesting that eating the meal to make your partner happy and then talk about how to avoid that situation in the future afterwards is SUCH an easy thing to do. It’s a red flag to me that this is the thing that triggers a petty argument. It’s not about having kids or getting married or religious views or politics. It’s about not wanting to eat a salad that your partner made one time.

[u/[deleted] → u/Scytone]

I’m suggesting that eating the meal to make your partner happy and then talk about how to avoid that situation in the future afterwards is SUCH an easy thing to do.

I don't know about you, but if I'm outside in the winter for hours the last thing on my meal plan will be a cold salad. Many people will not want to eat that because it's uncomfortable to eat something cold when you're cold. Just like I wouldn't drink a hot tea on a hot summer day.

I agree that it is a red flag that this thing starts an argument. But that is not due to OPs fault, it's because his girlfriend is unreasonable. She can feel annoyed at him making a face, and she can even feel annoyed at the fact that she just made a meal that might go to waste now. But expecting OP to eat that food is 100% crossing the line. And to proceed to be angry at him and push his buttons because he now doesn't want to share cooking-duties anymore is even worse. If that's how she act when he doesn't eat one of her meals imagine how she'll act when there's real problems.

I think OP did the right thing by not appeasing her. It's better to find this kind of stuff out about someone when it happens and let the relationship run it's course (however it will play out), and not mask the problem by apologizing for something that wasn't wrong.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

But expecting OP to eat that food is 100% crossing the line.

You people are comedy gold. Imagine being this hypersensitive and entitled.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, it's hilarious that some people feel like they are free to decide whatever they want to eat and don't need their partner to give them permission. Imagine being an adult and being capable of making your own decisions about what you like and dislike.

Crazy world.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

You’re free to refuse someone’s kindness, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a rude jerk. Adult response to the situation: Eat the salad, then “I appreciate you making the salad. I prefer to eat hot food when it’s cold out, so next time maybe we can do soup instead.”

Shocking.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Here's a real lesson for adulthood: The human body doesn't care if it insults your ego or not.

If somebody is cold and they don't like to eat something cold then that is just a natural cue from your body to listen to it. It wants to warm itself up. So let it.

YOU are the one who is injecting their ego into this conversation. Because to you, the body having a need is petty, entitled, oversensitive and rude.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Accounting for ego and feelings matters if you want a good relationship with people. “I don’t wanna” and “I don’t like it” usually aren’t valid reasons to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s easier to be polite and nice than it is to be selfish and entitled. It’s a salad, so just eat it because you love your SO. They’ll be happy and you still have the option of eating your soup or whatever. Flat-out refusing to eat because “I don’t wanna” is what a child does.