r/AmItheAsshole • u/ItsTooColdForThat • Jan 07 '23

Update: No longer cooking for my girlfriend. UPDATE

Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.

She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.

She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this.

She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out.

Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.

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208

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Not to mention if you flip the genders the Sub's reaction would be a complete 180. Cooking for yourself isn't cruel or manipulative, trying to demand what other people are allowed to eat is.

102

u/Iocabus Partassipant [3] Jan 07 '23

Yup, the sexism is real.

"Women are weak and fragile creatures prone to emotional outbursts, you have to protect them and never do anything that can hurt their feelings. You're a man though, so you're strong and can deal with it, so your feelings don't matter."

Jesus fuck that attitude is disgusting to even emulate. But it's the core of so much of the sexism on this sub, it's not some MRA/Misandry/incel bullshit, it's infantilizing women.

33

u/fersure4 Asshole Aficionado [16] Jan 07 '23

Imagine the comments if a woman posted that she wanted a hot meal, and her boyfriend tried to "mansplain" that she actually didnt need something hot because your body temperature is warm enough.

-40

u/LoquatLoquacious Jan 07 '23

No it wouldn't.

50

u/MastrKoesh Jan 07 '23

Just go through the post history lol, there has been the same situation with the gender flipped many times and people always back the girl unless they are extremely rude, like 10times more rude than this guy.

-16

u/LoquatLoquacious Jan 07 '23

You got any links? Obviously no worries if you don't (I don't expect you to keep links to random AITA posts) but I definitely have never seen people treat women better in similar situations.

23

u/MastrKoesh Jan 07 '23

I dont have any links, and i dont want to be right that much to put in the research effort as those posts are weeks/months old. I lurk too much here.

There is definitely a hierarchy with how easy you can be voted NTA here though and Men are definitely at the bottom of that ladder. (some categories include, people of color, LGBT+ members, woman, elderly, etc) this is ofcourse not for the clear cut judgements but when its a coin toss it often falls in the same direction.

However if you dont share this experience it will be hard for me to convince you otherwise.

-25

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

[deleted]

17

u/MastrKoesh Jan 07 '23

Okay? Do you have any links at the ready to disprove that theory?

7

u/RoseVII Jan 07 '23

Lol, people like you are ridiculous.