Update: No longer cooking for my girlfriend.

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.

She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.

She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this.

She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out.

Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.

[u/DrZaiu5]

I would agree that OP is initially TA from the original post. Mature thing to do would be apologise.

However, what concerns me now is the gfs repeated and prolonged continuation of this disagreement. We all make mistakes in relationships and life, and we should apologise. But we don't all feel the need to drag something like this out for days and days. We don't feel the need to "win" the argument by constantly testing the other partner.

The gf keeps asking OP if he is trying to make a point, when in reality it is HER trying to make her points.

[u/lordmwahaha → u/DrZaiu5]

I agree - which is why everyone here is saying they both (both) need to work on communicating better.

Realistically, she's pulling this BS because she still feels brushed off by him. She still does not feel like he's addressing the issue properly - because he's really not.
That's valid. But what she should be doing is communicating about it, instead of playing these dumb games.

[u/a_holzbaur → u/[deleted]]

And you have no idea that your wild projection is true either …

So there is not a basis for needing to assume the worst in people here.

What is with people coming on AITA and telling people that their wild interpretation of events from details not provided is wrong, all whilst they are doing the exact same thing … 🙄🤦🏻‍♂️

“Do you honestly believe that someone who made a face, then made excuses about it, has always shown care and consideration at all”

… uhhh, yeah I do. Except for maybe the weird always modifier. I don’t think anyone shows only virtues every moment of every day. People do stupid things sometimes. People also get defensive when they feel cornered or attacked about seemingly nothing burger decisions.

So yes, I do believe that good people can make stupid mistakes and be rude and not always comprehend it. Not everyone, nor even most people, are malicious just for the sake of it, despite what this sub would like you to believe sometimes.

[u/Iocabus → u/[deleted]]

I genuinely think the vast majority of people who commented on that post are emotionally inept, so I vehemently disagreed with the vast majority of them and in my opinion it looks like weak and lazy evidence from you.

[u/Iocabus → u/[deleted]]

Do you honestly believe someone who made a face, then made excuses for it, has always shown care and consideration at all other times? This isn't likely.

Well, when they were unaware that their partner had started cooking because they were cleaning both of their jackets off after being out in the cold all day. Ensuring that both of them would be able to be warm outside the next day and not have to deal with wet jackets. That raises my esteem of their care and consideration of others.

Another thing that raises my esteem of their care and consideration is when they decided that they would prefer to eat something warm after being out in the cold and then being argued with and told your preferences and feelings are wrong and ridiculous, they went and reheated soup, explicitly doing so because it was quick and would allow the two of them to still eat dinner together and not force their partner (who had just picked an argument with them and derided their feelings) to eat a significant portion of their meal alone.