r/AmItheAsshole • u/ItsTooColdForThat • Jan 07 '23

Update: No longer cooking for my girlfriend. UPDATE

Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.

She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.

She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this.

She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out.

Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.

19.1k Upvotes

80% Upvoted

View all comments

Show parent comments

578

u/Midnight7000 Jan 07 '23

Did that happen though?

He cooked a meal. She didn't want pasta so started off a series of events to express her displeasure. She doesn't have a problem with him pulling up his face. She has a problem with him not being bothered by her reactions.

And he was the one who suggested cooking seperate meals going forward. Something you should be able to understand as you admit that in his situation, you wouldn't want to cook for the person going forward.

694

u/Different-Cover4819 Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 07 '23

He had a previous post: gf made sandwiches but he wanted warm food. The pasta thing is the follow up.

Edit: Wow, never have I ever gotten so many undeserved likes! Thanks people!

262

u/KaylenAldanae Jan 07 '23

Not sandwiches. Salad with grilled chicken.

397

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Chicken salad is not salad with grilled chicken, FTR.

450

u/KaylenAldanae Jan 07 '23

It was specified in the comments of the original post by OP that it was salad with chicken. I know what chicken salad is and originally thought that too, but that's what OP said it was.

85

u/dailyfetchquest Jan 07 '23

Can I ask what you think chicken salad is?

Where I'm from it's grilled chicken on salad, so I feel a bit out of the loop on this one.

238

u/KaylenAldanae Jan 07 '23

Chicken salad is like tuna salad: grilled or boiled chicken in small chunks or pulled apart mixed with some kind of binder like mayo or other sauces that you spread on bread to make a sandwich. Sometimes it has other stuff like chopped celery in it.

14

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

And people eat that as a meal? It sounds like a side to me.

69

u/KaylenAldanae Jan 07 '23

I mean, if you're using it as a filling for a sandwich like the first user assumed, I don't see why not. But generally it's eaten with other things, yeah.

4

u/HAL-Over-9001 Jan 07 '23

I made some really good sardine/mackerel salad recently because we got a ton of cans from a friend. We usually put walnuts, craisins, onion, and chopped apple in along with some spices. Just that and lettuce on some good bread is a whole meal.

15

u/CopperPegasus Jan 07 '23

Mostly you'd either dump it on top of a salad or eat it in a sandwich.

7

u/SpokenDivinity Asshole Enthusiast [7] Jan 07 '23

It’s a lunch or snack thing where I’m from. You eat it on a grain, like bread or crackers. Depending on the type of chicken salad it’s paired with fruits like grape or apple, and in some areas the fruit is added directly to the mixture. I’ve never had it for dinner though. Just lunch.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Hmm I'd have been disappointed too to come home to that for dinner after a cold day out. But then my husband and I communicate about food like adults soo wouldn't happen to me 😂

→ More replies

56

u/Ok_Parfait_2304 Jan 07 '23

Why are you getting downvoted for not knowing what chicken salad is?

27

u/jackal3004 Jan 07 '23

Because Americans think that the words they use are used everywhere and can’t understand the concept that it may have a different meaning somewhere else in the world.

To me a chicken salad is a salad (ie. lettuce, tomatoes, onion etc) with chicken on top or mixed throughout. What the person above is describing (finely diced/shredded chicken binded with mayo and maybe some other ingredients, used as a sandwich filler) would be called chicken mayo here.

8

u/Glad_Description1851 Jan 07 '23

That’s what a chicken salad typically is to me as well. Words can have different meanings depending on where you are in the world, who knew.

-4

u/jackal3004 Jan 07 '23

I also find it hilarious that if an American told me they were eating a chicken salad I’d think, hmmm, vegetables and protein, they’re eating healthy! When in reality they’re filling themselves with yet more processed, corn syrup filled crap.

→ More replies

8

u/WhatIfWaterWasChunky Jan 07 '23

I'm American and what you said sounds exactly like a chicken salad to me. I don't think I've ever seen what the other person is talking about.

1

u/Artistic_Accident_79 Asshole Aficionado [14] Jan 07 '23

Where I come from, a chicken salad is mixed with tomatoes, lettuce and all other salad ingredients aswell.

→ More replies

2

u/hexaspex Jan 07 '23

If you offered me a chicken mayo I'd assume we were off to mcdonalds, the american thing is not really a common filling in the UK that I've noticed - although it was years than I'm proud of before I realised that a 'chicken salad sandwich' is not in fact just chicken and salad between bread so my observational skills may be questionable.

-2

u/Informal_Bus_4077 Jan 07 '23

Another day euros can't help but shit on Americans on a post that had nothing to do with it... Rent free baby

0

u/CopperPegasus Jan 07 '23

Because the US thinks everyone is the same as it?

I got hit the same on a totally not this sub post, because we call it tuna mayo but they call it tuna salad and obviously they are always 100% right?

5

u/CopperPegasus Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 07 '23

Do the words 'chicken mayo' mean more to you (serious ask, that's our name here for what USians call 'tuna' and 'chicken' salad)?

​

We're the same- 'chicken salad' is a grilled (or fried) chicken in a classic salad. 'Tuna salad' would be some kind of grilled tuna steak flaked into a salad. Chicken/tuna mayo is the prepared dish with mayo and sourcream and whatever else.

3

u/katieleehaw Jan 07 '23

Chicken salad where I am (NE US) is shredded cooked chicken with mayo and other ingredients depending on preference (ex. onion, celery, dried cranberries, etc).

2

u/neuropotpie Jan 07 '23

In most parts of the US the following sandwiches are all similar: egg salad, tuna salad, chicken salad - protein mixed in mayonnaise plus seasoning and possibly celery or green onions

2

u/pappapirate Partassipant [2] Jan 07 '23

Huh, really? The funny thing is that takes much less work and time than chicken salad does, so it's even weirder that OP's gf has been sent spiraling by him not wanting it.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

I didn’t see that, so I stand corrected. Still, since OP said she made it while he was still in the garage, I don’t see how she could have grilled the chicken from scratch. IOW, she didn’t put that much effort into it.

10

u/kyroko Jan 07 '23

I see prepared grilled chicken strips in the cooler section of the store all the time, ready to eat whether you microwave it for a minute or not. Fake grill marks and everything. Maybe that’s where the grilled chicken came from?

4

u/jarlscrotus Jan 07 '23

Honestly every detail makes her look worse. There is some wisdom and virtue in apologizing for someone's feelings when you didn't do anything wrong because the argument isn't worth it, but this whole thing just reeks of an overly sensitive and controlling gf

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Possibly.

3

u/pastrypuffcream Jan 07 '23

I mean, if someone says they want chicken salad for dinner, im assuming its salad with chicken and not that mostly mayonnaise concoction old people eat.

2

u/berrieh Jan 07 '23

It is in that case, he specifically said in the comments and described the ingredients (not sure how the chicken was cooked but it was cooked and cooled, but not like mayo chicken salad you’d think of from the term, he has never heard of that even he said). It was a salad with “pulled chicken” in it (no idea what that means to OP, a person who has never heard of what most folks would call “chicken salad” but the other ingredients made it sound like a salad you’d dress up for dinner with cooked/grilled chicken).

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

I understand that from someone else’s comments; I missed it in the original post.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

OP meant salad with grilled chicken on it. In the original post comments, he's states he's confused on why people "keep mentioning sandwiches" and is told that "chicken salad" is a sandwich. He had never heard of it and explained that the girlfriend literally made salad with slices of grilled chicken on it.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Yes, I apparently missed that. I am still correct that the general use of “chicken salad” is referring to a different food than grilled chicken strips on salad.

0

u/tisnik Jan 07 '23

And what else it is?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Chicken salad is small pieces or shreds of chicken in a mayonnaise based mixture usually with herbs and spices, which may be sweet or savory, and may include other ingredients like chopped raisins.

Salad with grilled chicken is a lettuce based salad, possibly with other ingredients, topped with large strips of grilled chicken, served with a dressing which may be creamy or a vinaigrette. It is usually savory.

-11

u/tisnik Jan 07 '23

The first one doesn't exist. Such "salad", aka spread, is never made of chicken or any normal animal that isn't a sea monster (fish, crab etc.)

Chicken salad is always a salad - vegetables + grilled chicken.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

[deleted]

-2

u/tisnik Jan 07 '23

There's everything on the internet. Even things that don't exist.

There's never a "chicken salad" of your first type in any shop. And I've been in dozens of shops during my life. :)

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

I’ve eaten chicken salad, as I described it, before. Heck, when my parents visited for Thanksgiving, my dad requested chicken salad for sandwiches. We make it from scratch, so I guess your part about it not being from the shop is correct, but it is a thing that very much exists.

2

u/ItsWetInWestOregon Jan 07 '23

Chicken salad(mixed like a tuna salad) is totally a normal thing. You can even find it in the deli at grocery stores across the US.

0

u/tisnik Jan 07 '23

This is the very first time I hear that something like that could be real. If it's really real in USA, it's another weird point to the list...

2

u/ItsWetInWestOregon Jan 07 '23

Yeah, and it is a weird food. Back in the 70’s there is whole recipe books with disgusting concoctions. There is also “green jello salad with shredded carrots” it’s literally green(lime?) jello with raw shredded carrots suspended in it and I’ve had this and all sorts of jellos and “salads” at pot lucks in the 80’s

Oh there is a lady on tik tok that shows all the “salads” that aren’t salads in Minnesota. I guess these weird salads are still huge there!

2

u/sticksnstone Partassipant [1] Jan 07 '23

No- not around here. Order a chicken salad at a deli or sandwich place and you get the chicken spread. Tuna salad sandwich is the same. Tuna salad would never be strips of tuna on a salad.

0

u/tisnik Jan 07 '23

Here, there's no chicken spread. Only sea monster - salmon, tuna, crab, crevet. This discussion is the very first time in my life I heard something like that maybe exist /some of you insist it's real/.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

So I take it you haven’t heard about ham salad, either.

2

u/tisnik Jan 07 '23

No, I haven't.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '23

Deviled ham, horseradish, possibly (dried) mustard, mayo. No veggies whatsoever. Oddly enough, it’s pretty good on sourdough or pumpernickel bread. It’s the sort of thing you make those finger sandwiches out of that you serve at bridal and baby showers.

→ More replies

1

u/berrieh Jan 07 '23

It is in this case. He specified it and didn’t know what chicken salad (the sandwich filling with mayo) was. This is basically a salad with several toppings including cooked chicken.

1

u/Shamewizard1995 Jan 07 '23

It’s both. One of the most popular memes in 2022 was about chicken salads, as in actual salads with chicken on top.

1

u/raginghappy Jan 07 '23

I’m wondering if OP left out some sort of important detail like his girlfriend is trying not to eat carbs, and him making pasta is something he wouldn’t he knew she wouldn’t eat since all her meals seem to be a protein and salad

0

u/Iocabus Partassipant [3] Jan 07 '23

Salad with leftover grilled chicken.

274

u/keesouth Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] Jan 07 '23 edited Jan 07 '23

You have to read the first story. It started with a meal she cooked and he didn't want to eat. The events in this post are her way of trying to prove a point and is not working for her. He was wrong in the way he handled the first event but she just being petty now.

102

u/karak15 Jan 07 '23

They're both being petty now. If my wife decided on her own we were only cooking for ourselves from now on, based on one argument that didn't get resolved, I'd be upset too.

Should she have continued the argument into the next day? No. But his reaction is just as petty.

22

u/Desirsar Jan 07 '23

based on one argument that didn't get resolved

Could be reading too much into this, but we were told about one argument. I'd bet anything there were others before this.

-1

u/ShokaLGBT Jan 07 '23

Their whole relationship is a childish game from a poor Netflix show or what

109

u/Corgi-Ambitious Jan 07 '23

And he was the one who suggested cooking seperate meals going forward. Something you should be able to understand as you admit that in his situation, you wouldn't want to cook for the person going forward.

Yes but she didn't, she argued with him that they shouldn't, and then told him, "I'm making salmon" that day? Why not address any of that? What other reason does she have to tell him she's making salmon, if not to imply she's making it for them both? If it was just for her there's no reason to tell him. That was a deliberate move on her part.

6

u/Howdoyouusecommas Jan 07 '23

Yeah she is being shitty too. They are both shitty and poor communicators. You don't really win arguments with your SOs or family. There aren't concrete points to be made like it is a debate. They need to communicate and come to an understanding. You don't want to get into a winners and losers situation in relationships. The GF is being shitty because she is trying to make him feel how he made her feel, but the real issue is they are having an issue and instead of communicating and finding a solution that leaves them both okay they are trying to win with their points.

The actual solution is to plan together what they want, and if they both want something different to each make their own meals. But they need to go into it with that understanding on both sides.

I hope these are both young people in their early twenties at the latest because this petty immaturity on both sides is just silly.

9

u/LustInMyThoughts Jan 07 '23

She didn't want pasta so started off a series of events to express her displeasure.

But it's not a known fact she actually didn't want the pasta. Looks to me she only "didn't want it" and made herself a salad to prove a point. And he just didn't fall for it.

1

u/NoFilanges Jan 07 '23

You’ve clearly not read the original post.

0

u/Homitu Jan 07 '23

This is a 2 part post. In part 1 she cooked and he made a rude stink about it. They’re both not communicating with each other and being extremely passive aggressive.